sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
