Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
