She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
