I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
