He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
