i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
