you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
