4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
