Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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