Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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