was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
