Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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