I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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