sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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