By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
