I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
