yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's shark week go big or go home
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
