I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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