OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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