I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
