went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
