Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
