were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
