NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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