I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
