I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
