Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
