listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
