no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
