sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
