I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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