You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
