im about as happy as oj after his trial
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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