she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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