what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize