You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There r osticjed everywhere
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
