Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
