In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
