I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
