No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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