You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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