youre lurking in front of me
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
