I hope mine doesn't look like that
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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