No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
