Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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