i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
