My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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