actually, I'm a sock model
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
