I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
