i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
