Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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