Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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