Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
