I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
