1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
