I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
