I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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