we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize