so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
operation have a gay friend backfired
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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