had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
