It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
