ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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