I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
