i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize