if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
