I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I need help removing her.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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