Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
