It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
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