ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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