She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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