I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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