did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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