The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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