Sry I called you an 8
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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