So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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