college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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