Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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