I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
