just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize