Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
