you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
